Helping Your Children Deal
with Cancer in the Family
When a parent gets a diagnosis of cancer, they deal with many strong
feelings of fear and uncertainty. Often these feelings are made
even more intense, as they worry about how their children will cope.
Although extremely difficult, it is also very important for parents
to be able to talk honestly to their children about their diagnosis.
Below are several tips on how to talk to children about cancer.
• Age is an important factor. For children under the age
of eight, you will not need detailed information. Older children
and teens will need and deserve to know more. All children should
know the following basic information: the name of the cancer,
the part of the body where the cancer is located, how it will
be treated, side effects of the treatment, and how their own lives
will be affected.
• It is common when a parent gets sick for children to feel
that they are to blame. Often children will believe that it was
something they did or did not do that caused the parent to get
cancer. Parents need to help reassure their children that there
is nothing that they, or anyone else, did that caused the cancer.
• Before your children even begin to worry, let them know
right away that cancer is not contagious.
• It is OK to let your children know that you are sad, cancer
is a scary disease, and at times you will need to cry, as that
helps you feel better. It is also important to let your children
know that it is OK for them to feel sad and scared and that they
can cry, too.
• Assure your children that they will be loved for and cared
for no matter what happens.
• The most difficult question your child might ask is, “Are
you going to die?” Regardless of how you answer this question,
the most important thing to communicate is your willingness to
be honest. Anticipate that your children will ask this question
and rehearse how to respond in your head or with someone else.
Once again, age is an important factor in how you should respond.
Here is just one example of what you might say to an older child,
“Iam going to do everything I can to get better but it is
impossible to know right now what is going to happen. I should know
more after receiving treatment and I will be honest with you about
what is happening.” To a younger child, something like this
maybe more appropriate, “The doctors are going to give me
lots of medicine to help me get better. We don’t know if the
medicine is going to work but I am going to do my best to get better.”
Below are some helpful resources for parents and their children
whoare dealing with cancer. In addition, speak with a Social Worker
or Nurse at your local hospital to see if they have any additional
resources or suggestions that may be helpful.
Honoring Pain - by Children Feeling Pain From the Illness
or Death of a Loved One
Our Mom Has Cancer - by Adrienne Ackermann, Abigail Ackermann
Cancer in the Family: Helping Children Cope with a Parent's Illness,
by Sue P. Heiney, Joan F. Hermann, Katherine V. Bruss, Joy L. Fincannon
When a Parent Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children,
with Becky and the
Worry Cup By Wendy Harpham
Why, Charlie Brown, Why: A Story About What Happens When a Friend
Is Very Ill
by Charles M. Schulz and Paul Newman
A Video: Kids Tell Kids What it’s Like When a Mother or
Father has Cancer, by Cancervive
For more information about support services
for you and/or your child, please contact PanCAN at 877-272-6226
and ask to speak to one of our Patient and Liaison Services (PALS)
Associates.
The following website was a wonderful resource for this column:
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/ETO/content/ETO_2_6X_When_Your_Child_Has_Cancer_7.asp
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